Saturday, 30 August 2008

Might trick me once

I had the most beautiful customer yesterday at the Hawk. Its times like these that i think ill miss the Damn place when i leave.
O he was the wonderful. And hes coming back today! So i pull out my little book of rules thats been gathering years of dust and look for some advice. It was not as forthcoming as i thought it would be.
Stelli says i should just let things roll freely. Wokit suggested going in to the Hawk for 10 so i dont miss him if he comes in. Yoohoo tells me im a freak. But yoohoo cant exactly talk.
Im taking stelli's advice but with a little dash of some orchestrated interference from Red.

Friday, 29 August 2008


"Smile,it's friday!" he says as he walks by me.
Oddly enough,i find myself smiling like a loony. Did i actually look so grumpy that he felt he ought to instruct me to smile? Do i always look that grumpy? Was it something i had initially devised to ward off the pervs and weirdos but now just makes me look mean and grr?
I dont know if i should try to look more approachable now ... I read about this thing called the bella figura. Its where if you look open and approachable and smiling the world will literally smile with you.

Smile. It's friday.

Thursday, 28 August 2008

Wonder is, as the music of the heart, voiceless

Here we go again, it's now been 3 weeks since my first day in Istanbul and I think I'm less melodramatic and 'woe is me' now.
This is likely due to the fact that I have already planned my next visit to Istanbul as a complete break from university when I graduate. A week of peace. On my own.

Just imagining the taste of that freedom sends mini-tingles up my spine.

I lie. But that sounds like something you'd read in a book, right?

Just thinking of my week away really gives me a sense of relief; that once I'm away from The Dictator, I won't have to put up with so many of the people that I do.
People who are friends with me (and vice versa) for the sake of having company.
I look forward to the day I can leave those people behind like lifting the dusty mantle of social formalities and leaving it on the floor the past.

For photos, click post title

More later..

Monday, 25 August 2008

I do not trust those who laugh too easily.

Why, with no laughter at our lips, does laughter reach through our fingers to the letters L, O, and L?

To laugh out loud is a biggie in my sphere of things. Especially at something I’ve read online and specially at something that someone has written in an msn conversation.


What a space filler. It’s as though you’re avoiding the empty space between two relevant lines of conversation and have decided to fill it with lol. No. That’s not right. No one has made a joke. There’s nothing even remotely funny to even chuckle about.


People who use ‘lol’ as punctuation make me want to rip my scarf off, then my hair out, then my face off. I growl at thee. ‘How are you, lol’, ‘Lol Happy Birthday’.
I mean, those are good examples. There are capital letters in that but seriously, lol for beginning or ending sentences? ON FACEBOOK?! Unless you’re batting a conversation back and forth on message/wall/chat, there is absolutely no space for lol on facebook.


Unless, something really amusing comes along. How often does something ACTUALLY make you laugh-out-loud? Online, on screen, facebook, msn, youtube whatever. I’ve physically laughed out loud reading some articles, seeing some pictures, watching some videos. But most of the time, it’s an inward chuckle or a mini snort through my nose. Never laughing out loud. On these occasions I personally type ‘ha’ or ‘hehehe’ or I do a smilie face like so, :).

So why is it that something like lol is thrown in so casually everywhere. I mean, it’s getting even worse with LMAO and ROFL and dare I say it ROFLMAO. These, I understand you don’t actuallydo. I mean, it’s impossible to laugh an ass off, and I’ve tried! They’re just to emphasise how hard you’re laughing. But when they’re tossed in as casually as lol. Well that takes the biscuit.

‘I do not trust those who laugh too easily. The heart of a fool is in the house of mirth.’

Bank holiday

And so they draw you in with their 50% off sales on furniture and their 'Good afternoon maam, I'm here to take your money'. I know their type. I am that type.
Its crazy how easily we fall into their snares with our credit cards burning. I say 'our'; I really mean my mother's.

Friday, 22 August 2008

Slowly in my mind formed the idea of melodrama

So basically, there I was, moping around the house. It's Friday, I have work tomorrow. I have to do a pick up before I get to The Hawk. I physically can't bear to think about it.
On top of that, I'm moping due to the belief I have no friends and no one to go out with on a nice day like today.
Then! Hark! I hear a click from my handbag.
Remembering that I left my phone in my handbag last night, I scramble across quilt, laptop and various other bits and bobs to see what the click reads!'s a text asking how my day is...bloody lame that's how...
O BUT WAIT!! There is another text message.
It's none other than a text inviting me out for fun, games and movies in South Ken with folk from The Dictator at 11:30 am...sent last night... was then 14:00 and I am checking my phone for the first time...I have missed the occasion by 3 hours...o bittersweet time how it passes me!

Ought I to seek solace in the fact that I do have friends?...or mope in the tardiness of my phone checking...

And so I returned to my moping..

Sylverine says I'm a drama queen. I'd love to say I beg to differ, but I don't.

'So slowly in my mind formed the idea of melodrama, a form I found to perfection in American pictures. They were naive, they were that something completely different. They were completely Art-less. '
And here is the rest of it.

Thursday, 21 August 2008

Sometimes, wonderful things happen to me, too.

Two weeks have passed since my first full glorious day in Istanbul.
It feels like forever (o the melodrama).
Two weeks should be enough time to readjust to England and all that comes with it.
It should be.

And so instead I find myself moping around wishing I was anywhere but here.
The grass is always greener on the other side. Although, I am greatful for the little plot I do have.

She took a deep breath and believed him, because of her father's faith in the myriad and contradictory possibilities of life, and because, too, of what the mountain had taught her. "Okay," she said, exhaling. "I'll buy it. Just don't tell my mother, all right?" The universe was a place of wonders, and only habituation, the anaesthesia of the everyday, dulled our sight....She focused her thoughts. "Sometimes," she decided to say, "wonderful things happen to me, too."

My patience for uploading is waning.
Hence, I shall leave the photos at this for the moment...

[For more photos, click the title of this post]