Sunday, 31 May 2009

“Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?”

Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop.

I'd love to say that I've come to the end of university and stopped. But Oh No, it appears I have stopped just short of the end. Dissertation Distress has struck, my friends. And so
'The time has come,' the walrus said, 'to talk of many things: of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings.'

These past few days in London have been wonderful, and so my camera has been dug up from beneath the pile of lecture notes, dusted off and taken out to ensnare many an unwitting moment.
Insofar, I feel that my pangs for creativity are momentarily staved off, but I fear a creativity binge coming on straight after this is officially over. God knows what I'll do.

It's been a while since I've updated on the Korea situation. Although I have about 4 recruiters on my side, ready to find me schools, jobs for October/November won't be released until August/September. Lame. What's UBER lame is the current political situation out there. Even from within my bubble, the news of North Korea's threats to break the 50 year ceasefire (or whatever you want to call it) with South Korea if they start searching their ships or whatnot, has reached me.
Total bummer.
I hope this thing blows over soon.

Anyway, since I'm avoiding my dissertation, I thought I'd cover one of the topics in my list of Rant-cid Milk.
Disappointing Definitions. Don't you just abhor when you read the title/blurb of something, get a fair bit excited, delve into it (be it a novel, film, food, substance) and find that it fails your expectations?
I can't really say much more than this but when that happens I just groan and think 'WHAT posessed you to define this in such a wonderful way then fail to come up with the goods?! Do you have any IDEA how disappointed I am?! ANY?!' Goh.

On another thread (can you tell I just need to get some thoughts out on 'paper(?)') before I forget, things to go on my 'To Do Before 30' list.

Obviously, it's impossible to predict how much of this eventual list I will be able to actually do, however, the next (now) nine years are pretty big. Lots can be done.
I'll make small goals as well as bigger ones. But all the time, keeping it as close to realistic and attainable as possible.

1) Live abroad.
2) Go to a fan meet.
3) Do the grown up things--> Get a career and married.
4) Learn to drive (I know, I know, I should have done this years ago but ..well)
5) Sing, with someone on a guitar/piano, and record it.
6) Roller blade through Hyde Park early on a Sunday morning.
7) Become truly proficient in the languages I have learnt so far, and learn another one.
8) Write a selection of short stories (not for publication)
9) Go to Disney World
10) See Neuschwanstein Castle.

She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)
We'll see.

Sunday, 24 May 2009

The need for Speed

I know it's dreadful but sometimes, I wish things would just get on with it. I feel like everything is going way too slowly for my liking. Stop and start.
And so, I feel the need for Speed. The pills. The pace. Take it as you will, but I need it.
Exams are finally over and I slugged my way through the first 2 weeks of dissertation time. Although I was having a weekly meeting with my tutor, I just didn't DO anything until the last 2 days, and that's only because he set a deadline.

No matter how much I complain about it, I kinda feel the need for urgency. The feeling that things HAVE to happen because if they don't, the consequences are unthinkable.
The whole applying thing for Korea is going SO slowly because jobs for October/Novemeber aren't even out yet! So I'm just sitting on my hands, waiting for something to happen.
Why am I constantly waiting? Why is so impossible to just go out and get what I want/need.

Who would have thought I would still be whinging about waiting and stemmed-creativity and angsty teenage-ness well into my 20s. Because really, that's what I am now. TWENTY ONE! Holy mofo and what have I got to show for it?! I've done nothing I want to do.
I'm beginning to think I should write a 'To do by 30' list. Then maybe I'll have some DIRECTION.