Sunday, 24 May 2009

The need for Speed

I know it's dreadful but sometimes, I wish things would just get on with it. I feel like everything is going way too slowly for my liking. Stop and start.
And so, I feel the need for Speed. The pills. The pace. Take it as you will, but I need it.
Exams are finally over and I slugged my way through the first 2 weeks of dissertation time. Although I was having a weekly meeting with my tutor, I just didn't DO anything until the last 2 days, and that's only because he set a deadline.

No matter how much I complain about it, I kinda feel the need for urgency. The feeling that things HAVE to happen because if they don't, the consequences are unthinkable.
The whole applying thing for Korea is going SO slowly because jobs for October/Novemeber aren't even out yet! So I'm just sitting on my hands, waiting for something to happen.
Why am I constantly waiting? Why is so impossible to just go out and get what I want/need.

Who would have thought I would still be whinging about waiting and stemmed-creativity and angsty teenage-ness well into my 20s. Because really, that's what I am now. TWENTY ONE! Holy mofo and what have I got to show for it?! I've done nothing I want to do.
I'm beginning to think I should write a 'To do by 30' list. Then maybe I'll have some DIRECTION.

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