Social Convention

Social convention and courtesy. I'm finding it a real trial.
The little courtesies that must be followed in order to prevent estrangement.
You'd think that I'd be above the playground politics by now. Definitely not.

I believe that the Dictator has destroyed me. Broken me down. After building me up in the first year, breaking me down to my most basic of elements, ie. the solitary me, in the second, I'm waiting for the gentle rebuilding of the new me in the final year.

I had an epiphany over the summer. A moment where suddenly it all became clear to me. Out with the old, in with the new I say. Tired of social convention, and tired of being nice when I dont want to be. Sick of making such an effort with people when they do not return the favour.
The people of the Dictator have actually destroyed my spirit. That saying, it isn't possible for something to do something to you unless you let it. My meaning being, I have let things overwhelm me.

But in this Autumn, I am beginning my own personal rennaissance. It will be brilliant... a masterpiece. Out with all these fripperies and finery of false joviality. I will smile. I will be happy. I will leave those from the past and take in my future.
The time is now. Am I ready for it...


I'm going to bake a cake and mull this over.

Not moved..

Oddly,i am still in the throes of a cold happiness; i love london sometimes.

This moment..is wondrous.

Im sitting on a bench in Sloane square,feeling the rumble of the train beneath me, reading a book and generally just watching the crisp red leaves fall. I find myself strangely happy. The air around has that finger numbing bitterness of cold and change which is just SO london, and it feels right. This moment. I wish it could go on like this but then the banality would set in. I would habituate. And like every other londoner,i would begin to complain.
But. They say you know, you just know,when something feels right.

Eating feet is wrong

Who reads the ft with one arm above his head and the other at his hip?!

In other news,im officially no longer a Hawk-ette. Leaving do is this weekend. Looking forward to it somewhat.
Also, im back at the Dictator. I hate it. I cant wait till its over and i can squee about what i want to do with my life. But for now..i hate the Dictator with a passion. On the bright side,yesterday, a girl told me she liked my [fashion] style this brightened my day on the slight. However today, my super cute shoes have decided to take a bite out of the back of my feet. This is not cute.
End of the week..at least theres no dictatorship over the weekend.