Butchery of a city

Lol. Ok so that sounds harsh. But wow. A red dawn. Id love to say this is new news to me.. But no. I knew from last night 9pm. Why? Because im cool like that

Turning in the oceans of boredom

Yes. I have resumed drawing merpeople in my intense overheated boredom

Set over chelsea bridge

Not a good photo because by the time my phone focussed,we were almost over the bridge. But look at the sky..sigh

I am...McLoving

It feels really strange to think that my University career, my time at the Dictator, is officially over.
Gosh I'm going to miss it too much. Coming to the end of it and realising, 'wow this is really the end, I have no reason to be here' is rather unsettling.
I thought to myself that I wouldn't miss this place, and yes, I mocked those people who said they would miss it, and yeeeees, I also complained about how this place drained me of all spirit and creativity.
AND YET!! I feel really SAD. That it's OVER. When in life do you get to have experiences like those of university? It's an epic place. And the Dictator was amazing.

I'm now in an uber loving mood. Over the course of my dissertation, it dawned on me that this is really the end. And I have to tell everyone how much I love them..and I read this:

Do not keep the alabaster boxes of your love and tenderness sealed up until your friends are dead. Fill their lives with sweetness, speak cheering words while their ears can hear, and while their hearts can be thrilled and made happier by them.

So here goes:

Thank you for being a part of my experiences at the Dictator. It's been an epic three years and I wouldn't change it for the world. I absolutely adore you all, and I don't think I would be the person I am today if it wasn't for you all being there. Thank you. I ♥ you all.

well here's a lolcat =)

To see new beauty in what is vanishing

I had a surreal moment the other day..
It was a cold morning and a watery sunlight was streaming into the kitchen as I was having my toast, looking out into the garden through the back doors. And there alighted a beautiful little robin on the fence. The red of its breast was so odd in a grey, green and brown coloured winter garden. And although I had drawn many a robin on a christmas card in my first decade of life, I'd never seen a robin before! I live in outer London and it was a perfect moment for me. Obviously the first thing I did was grab my phone and take a picture before the moment vanished..But it was just...the perfect start to the day.

This moment..is wondrous.

Im sitting on a bench in Sloane square,feeling the rumble of the train beneath me, reading a book and generally just watching the crisp red leaves fall. I find myself strangely happy. The air around has that finger numbing bitterness of cold and change which is just SO london, and it feels right. This moment. I wish it could go on like this but then the banality would set in. I would habituate. And like every other londoner,i would begin to complain.
But. They say you know, you just know,when something feels right.

Here come real stars

Here come real stars to fill the upper skies,
And here on earth come emulating flies,
That though they never equal stars in size,
(And they were never really stars at heart)
Achieve at times a very star-like start.
Only, of course, they can't sustain the part.

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This

I'm dancing to some mellow jazz at a wedding and it appears that I am in a white wedding dress. Beehive hairstyle. Very 60s bollywood. This is all very odd.

Then, I spot this man sitting at one of the (round) tables on the edge of the dancefloor, watching me. I walk over to him and I clearly know him. He's an older man, broad in chest and shoulders but lean all over. Navy gorgeously cut suit. And rather attractive.

I have good taste.

'What are you doing here?' I ask.

'I'm here to see you' he answers as he stands.

He shakes out a giant piece of white chiffon as he begins to move to the music with me. He tosses it into the air, and it lands on my head but instead of looking like a buffoon, it lands like a bridal veil.

We continue to move until he says we need to talk. Together we leave the dancefloor and sit at a table on our lonesomes at the back of the hall.

He puts a box on the table and it's clear I've been waiting for this.

I open the box and inside is a Tiffany's box.

Inside the box is this hideous monster of a ring, with no stone! My jaw drops and he laughs at me.

'Open the ring' he says. I proceed to unscrew what should have been the stone and find yet another flat metal expanse with a Tiffany's logo engraving.

Clocking onto what's going on now, I uscrew that. Again, flat metal and Tiffany's.

My ring was some sort of russian doll thing hmm? So I continue in this theme, until I'm thinking ' My diamond must be miniature'..

I keep going though, until I reach what must be the last casing. My sister has arrived on the scene at this point. I unscrew and again my jaw drops. There is nothing there.

He sits and laughs as he shows me a hidden compartment in the box which I completely missed.

He opens something shaped like a bullet casing and inside is a coloured diamond about 2.5 carats big. Putting it in my hand, he asks me to marry him.

Gazing at the stone in my palm, I hear my sister telling me to take it and marry him.

Looking from diamond to him and back, I tell him I need to think about it because suddenly I am daunted by the fact that this stone, once made into a ring cements the fact that I'm marrying him. For EVER.

We sit and we have dinner together and then --

knockknock

O sweet aargh...I am woken by builders knocking on my door.

What did the dream mean? I have no idea. I had no time to contemplate it as I hurriedly donned something vaguely acceptable and went to explain where the door and window should be in the developing extension.

Wonder is, as the music of the heart, voiceless

Here we go again, it's now been 3 weeks since my first day in Istanbul and I think I'm less melodramatic and 'woe is me' now.
This is likely due to the fact that I have already planned my next visit to Istanbul as a complete break from university when I graduate. A week of peace. On my own.

Just imagining the taste of that freedom sends mini-tingles up my spine.

I lie. But that sounds like something you'd read in a book, right?


Just thinking of my week away really gives me a sense of relief; that once I'm away from The Dictator, I won't have to put up with so many of the people that I do.
People who are friends with me (and vice versa) for the sake of having company.
I look forward to the day I can leave those people behind like lifting the dusty mantle of social formalities and leaving it on the floor the past.

For photos, click post title


































More later..

Sometimes, wonderful things happen to me, too.

Two weeks have passed since my first full glorious day in Istanbul.
It feels like forever (o the melodrama).
Two weeks should be enough time to readjust to England and all that comes with it.
It should be.

And so instead I find myself moping around wishing I was anywhere but here.
The grass is always greener on the other side. Although, I am greatful for the little plot I do have.

She took a deep breath and believed him, because of her father's faith in the myriad and contradictory possibilities of life, and because, too, of what the mountain had taught her. "Okay," she said, exhaling. "I'll buy it. Just don't tell my mother, all right?" The universe was a place of wonders, and only habituation, the anaesthesia of the everyday, dulled our sight....She focused her thoughts. "Sometimes," she decided to say, "wonderful things happen to me, too."

My patience for uploading is waning.

Hence, I shall leave the photos at this for the moment...

[For more photos, click the title of this post]